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Saturday, May 30, 2009

I'm Back.

I took alittle bit of a hiatus to find myself. I did find myself...and then I lost myself. Just awful. I did find something out today. I'm a liar, and hypocrite. I have a tattoo on my right arm that reads "The Highminded man must care more for the Truth, than for what people think" which means "don't lie". I lie about things. Very simple things "what school do you go to?" "are you doing all you can to better yourself?" "do you contribute to your family's wellbeing?" etc. I am not going to lie anymore. Not going to. I can't. I realized that I could lie to someone, and they could 1) fall in love with my fake self, and hate my real self or 2) they could die and then I would have not told them the truth about myself, thus them not knowing the real me. And I'm affraid of that. It might seem real selfish but, just think about it: would you want the girl/guy you secretly love to die (or you die) before they really know how much you really feel about them. I know, that might not seem on point to you, but it is.

For starters, I'm sorry to my family. Even the ones that don't deserve it. I'm espcially sorry to the ones who I hurt who are there for me, like my grandmother. I love her to death, and I will probably smother myself when she dies. She means that much to me. I'm sorry to my father too. I'm sorry I'm a f*ck up. Very sorry. I'm sorry I didn't get into a 4 year institute, and am just a hole in your pocket.

I am: Fletcher Sharpe. I attend Oakland community college. I am a 19 year old, contimplating quiting school, and chasing a false dream of track and field glory while putting in little to none of the work. I am (in a short word) a fraud. I weave a mess of lies around myself to make people think something about me that isn't true. A false sense of people liking me.....or not liking me. Most people who dislike me, dislike the false me. Not the real me. If you knew the real me, you would probably just be normal. I act like I don't care if you care, but I do. I act tougher.....because when I don't know what to say I have to act like a hardass. I hate it but I built up this wall so that no one will question me.

So, since I'm being honest, I felt the need to get this off my chest, I say I like a lot of girls, but I don't. really in my book
, its a few. More than you'd expect, but still. This is my list of girls I am (still slightly/moderately/very much so) attracted to. I won't describe why, you can ask me that, when you want...if you want): India S, Melissa Cole, Artina T, Meilani W (shocker), Olivia Klien (real shocker), Rachael Peck (albiet, she's now a lesbian) Amanda F, and Marty Watson (although she kinda broke my <3). Her friend Deanna is someone I'd like to get to know, too.

Ok, I know some of you are only reading this, so you can find out what my new tat is (Artina). Its gonna be a heart on my arm, like a forearm tat. And it would be a heart. And the middle would be the definition of "Family", while the perimiter would be family in different languages. (English, Tagalog<which is Filipino>, Belgium, French, Hungarian, Italian, Japanese, Chinese, and Spanish. Below is a diagram of what it might look like. Give me another language that you think would be better if you have good advice for me.

But, I'm done. So I'll talk to ya, abit later. Thanks if you read this. <3 you, really.

HOB up,

1 comment:

  1. Bro.....I'm very glad you finally reached and finally told everyone who the real you was. Thats still something myself I'm struggling with. And if you have a dream, chase it until it becomes a reality. I've always respected you for whoever you are Fletcher, you are still one of the most creative people that I have ever seen. I hate to say it, but just remember Kairos. These walls need to be broken down in order for us to truly reach the full potentials of ourselves. Fletcher you will do great things in this world, the first step is believing that you will.


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