At peace :-)

------ Memo ------
I just realized. You aint all that. I'm happy now. You's kinda "not for me". It isn't that good kind either. Its that "eh......not so nice" kind. I'm kinda appalled now. At myself. I'm sorry, I'd like to be friends again and that's it. Really. No relapse. I promise. :-)

I got bad news today. I might have to end my track career until after surgery. And that's not good. I might have re-torn my rotater cuff. And if I did, I won't be pleased. I hope its just rust on my shoulder or a strain so I can resume working and working out. Otherwise.....f*ck. :-(

Rob and I are about to get back to recording. YEAH BOY! HOB, B*TCH!!!!!! :-)

These mosquitos aint no ho. All over everywhere. Buying me and stuff. I'm not too pleased about that.

I realized I like light skinned ckicks. Idk why. They just seem prettier. Hmmm.....idk. That might make some people not pleased. Some darker skinned females, lol. Sorry. If your darker than me......idk about that, lol. Maybe because all the darker skinned chicks I know are just f*cked up, huh? Lol. I'm not gonna name any names.

I just got a good idea. I'm starting a new blog. As in, i'm going to stop using this one. The new one will be happy. Like a rebirth....2.0. Lol. Reborn again....yeah, I like that. But for my last post, I just wanna say thanks, and with that I'm out.

@>-->--*DirtyRose

Hate-more.

This is my entry. This is all.

Well, you played me for a fool, a heart wrenching tool/
One of these dudes whose compassionate, too much cord on my spool/
i'd get down on short notice, and be the 5th leg on your stool/
But, while I was kneeling/
You were reeling/
Back to where you came from, which I thought was the ceiling/
You, on that angel stuff, I thought you had wings/
But those must have been differnt things/
Like how your doing nothing, but your flying in a dream/
Like a mirage in some steam/
Instead of bullets, a beam/
Like dance party, except with a holloween theme/
You spooked me, scared me/
Then tied me up, and wasn't there for me/
But no matter how many times you cried and walked the path of the beat and broken/
When it came to pay the tool, I would always pitch the token/
But the time is drawing near, for these words to be spoken/
"look here, don't talk to me, when its on your tears and fears your choking"

1, 2, 3.....4.

3:36 am.
I'm wide awake.
Today was a debacle to say the least. I planned: to go to Great Lakes Crossing @ 9am with my cousin, then probably around 2, go to my ex's grad party, and then swing around a local tattoo parlor. INSTEAD: I didn't leave my house until 2PM, and my cousin ended up not going to great lakes crossing, hence me not being able to go to my ex's grad (Rochestor Hills is too far away to go, unless I am in the area), AND my day was just down. Its partial my fault, because after I found out my plans fell through (for the 2nd straight day) I kinda shut down my "happy zone" and was kinda mopey. Yeah I ended up acting like a jerk in the end. :-/

I did however make out with 2 gifts. This Mario Mushroom shirt :-) AND

This cool ass Chuck Norris shirt. Lol.

I owe my cousin an apology. I'll do it tomorrow before she leaves. Maybe next weekend won't fall through (Pittsburgh for the weekend to pick her <my cousin> up) she has a convention, called Cav Canem? (sp) all I know is only 50 ppl or around that # get accepted, and she got accepted. So bravo to her.

I can't get this taste out of my mouth. I made a nice biggun bowl of Rice Krispies, and dug in. "why does this taste kinda fruitish? Not so milky." low and behold I smelled the bottle, and although the "throw out date" is tomorrow, (the 22nd) the milke was awfully sour and bad. I wish I had not looked. I was half way swallowing, when I read.....I violently vomitted all over my grandma's garbage can. Muy delicioso.

I was supposed to go to a shock game Friday....to watch the lovely and very attractive Tammy Sutton-Brown of the Indiana Fever, play the Shock. Indiana won, and TSB has 10pts and 9 rebs, with 1 block....so its like a double double. (I predicted one Friday and Sunday) She is Bad as heck (for a basketball player). If I knew her, and didn't just tweet her.....I would not be single. :-)

I have the best Twitter trio of friends. Katherine D (@jjlola) Kyra (@kyra028) and Andrea (@ampersandrea) are the nicest and coolest people I know....on twitter. Lol and (@ampersandrea) is a graphic designer, so if you need something sketched...toss some dough and she will draw something cool as heck....she is drawing a tat of mine after all, wouldn't just leave that to any body. Lol.

Ya know what bothers me? People who don't unfriend you on things (like Facebook) but won't answer you ever. Texts, Facebook, twitter, etc. Like "The Pretty one"'s friend, and Danae Florias, and Kelsey Elliot. Acting stupid as hell for no reason. Smh :-/ just say "I don't wanna talk to your ass, you're annoying" and I'm gone. But not saying anything when I say hello? Whatever.

I was asked to hang out tonight by Miss Dick Berries :-) woulda hung out with her, Kieona, and "Miss Pretty" but alas, I'm on the eastside for tonight. So no hang outs for me.

I still feel very sick to my stomach, from that milk. Ugh.
I'm gonna watch the end of "Cowboy Bebop" and "Big O" so like until 5am, then I'm going to bed.

"out the front door, 2 fingers and I peace"

@>-->-->*DirtyRose

My Insides....

i feel like im dying....like i wanna just crap all over everything :-(
peee-yew!
where is my axe? gotta smell this b*tch up like an Orange. lol
but really this isnt a game....i think im dying. omg.

found my favorite song from "Afro Samurai: The Game"



yeah guitar riffs out of this world.

i also like this



just because its a weird song. listen to it with the lyrics...you'll be like...wtf? lol

lately, i wanna take responsibility. cleaning my room, doing the lawn, dishes, leaves, etc. and idk why...
maybe its because i wanted to be seen as more of adult. ....and because i need money for tats and school. lol.

my friends are my friends...and i have developed an attraction to someone i shouldnt have one for. she is probably a bit younger...well not probably. i just dont wanna be like....yeah...not good.

my trail behind "miss pretty" as i will call her from now on, is drawing to an end, due to the fact i cant read her from afar, and the fact she really wont let me close again....eh....life has balls for you to get kicked in....shoulda wore a cup. lol

i am getting another tat, besides "tu tat de familia". i am getting a french one on my right shoulder/collarbone. it will read "C'est La Vie"...which is "Such is life" thats the way i live now. no more real lamenting. because thats stupid stuff.

i want a different backround besides this just normal black backround.....its so bland and sad....kinda like me :-O

"My Chippy" is such a peaceful song......idk why...but it makes me feel better.... :-)

i'm pretty much done for now.
Robot Chicken is on repeat.

i will add this though....that list of girls i like hasnt changed much.....maybe add one on...take one off...mmhmm....

and this....instrumentals make me wanna be fully tatted....idk why....

so otherwise......peace

@>-->-->--*Dirty Rose

Wrong on so many level, xcpt the last

Great day yesterday, real talk didn't even do sh*t really.
"Whatever happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas......except for herpes...that stays with you forever" (funny ass stuff)

Rob aka Bobbito-Ones aka "Rob, Bob, and Slob" and I hung out....for the whole day. Like from like 12 to 2. (PM to AM). We hooped until our arms were sore @ my uncles. (not the f*ck up one, because that would mean we hooped @ my grandma's because he is too stupid to save his money so he can move out of his parent's house and get a damn job. That's right, I ho-ed that n*gga....AND?) then we left to go to my grandma's and just chilled out. Rob witnessed me choke away 2 games of 2K9 online....smh, to that last game esp....clevenland's ho ass team. Anyways, we then left for Southfield so Rob could get funky fresh, then went to the paladium.

(They had more chaldians and arabs in Birmingham @ night than a Saudi Arabian POW camp. its wrong, but I'm not fond of chaldos, hence my lack of chaldean friends. Males = because they mock African American culture OR they they invented it OR because they date black chicks <I'll get back to this one in a few> OR all of the above. I hate the females because of their fathers and brothers. Oh, let a sand n*gga man date a n*gga chick, but switch the sand to the other sex, and they will crusade on your ass, believe me from experience. And that's not just my thinking (or experience), my grandmother, nary a racist done in her body, believes that to be true and I realized all of this before she told me she knew that already. That's why I don't talk to agatha (...besides the fact she hates me for ho-ing that b*tch), rachel kassa, or any of the chaldo female. Ya'll shady. )

Anyways back on point. We saw "The Hangover", which I would give it a 9 1/2....outta 5. It won't top "Freddy Got Fingered" in my book, but sh*t was funny.

"Card reading isn't illegal....its just frowned upon....like masterbating on an airplane"

Last night I had a cold shiver up my spine and was reminded why I should become "The Turtle" (thank you for allowing/helping me to name it, Constance). My "underbelly" (or niceness/kindness) won't be taken advantage anymore. Oh I'm sure of that. I'm flipping over slowly, day by day, on to my "hard shell" (or calous-ness, meanness), and when I flip, I will stay this way. The only ones who won't feel that winter, are those under me. The ones who are nice and care. Them n*ggas. Otherwise, "peace, n*gga"

I came back here and realized I hadn't said why I got the shiver. It was because, someone told me I made them have a good day. I don't like hearing that stuff, B. Because if you have any friends, they should be able to do that too, and by no means am I a great friend. I'm a marginally good one who won't sell you out. That's about it. The reason why it was a cold shiver was because that scares me. Because although I am there for people for than I need to be, I'm not there ALL the time, and I'm sure most people won't f*ck themselves up, it still scares me alittle.

Someone didn't call me in the morning like they said they would.... :-/

Someone needs to "cool it, B" before I REALLY hurt them feelings. She knows who it is. Don't come @ me like you don't know me, because I'll make you wish you didn't, with your bone thin, no t*tty havin, ditzy ass. That's all for this right now.

Oh yeah, memo to me....
"Stop playing music on your phone until you wake up, it doesn't help @ all and just drains my battery"

But, I think I'll attempt to get ready, so "out the screen door, 2 fingers and I peace."

@>-->--*DirtyRose

See this is why.....

I didn't want to be honest with all of you people. Now most of ya'll won't say sh*t to me. Yeah, that kinda annoys me....except minus kinda. Yeah, that sh*t really bothers me. A lot. Very much so. It shows how much of a friend you were, or maybe just the fact you were in awe, of a mirage or a farce personality. Idk exactly how to say it, but if your halfway bright, you'll get what I'm saying.

In other news, I told someone something before about a girl who a lot of people know and myself. I said "BETWEEN YOU AND ME" before I said anything.....and during our conversation, low and behold, I look on my twitter account....and can only frown because, everyone who was not supposed to see it, did see it. And she was questioned about it. Now that girl and I don't talk much anymore. Uncanny? I think not. Kinda annoyed but.....whatever, I should have expected it.

Now, EVERYONE has a twitter. Sportscenter, Fox Sports Net, The OKC Thunder, almost every sports athlete, hell, even my teachers have one. Akwardness much? I think so.

I tried to cut this pimple off my face.....I need some1 else to do it for me, because I stop when it hurts. That's how I can get tattoos, because I'm not very tolernt of pain I cause on myself, that's why people are surprised that I used to cut. Yeah....it look like 4 hours, lol, because I'd just stare @ the cutting item (scissiors, knife, letter opener, etc.) I know, I'm laughing about this, because its funny and sad.

I'm gonna get going, cause I don't have much to say right now. So, ttyl?

@>-->--*DirtyRose

Unprepared to be surprised

For 1st time, I'm my life, I was in a huge huge awful dump, over a girl I had not dated. Never before had that happend. I was just.....idk, sad, hurt, pissed off, etc. I couldn't explain why a chick I had no relationship with (except for being friends, which now isn't even working because she won't really talk to me) could make me hate myself that much. I call it "Where's my Chippy?" after "Tim and Eric" I couldn't find my problem. And I was starting to freak out. "Chip Chip! Chip Chip!" I had panic attacks. I started crying unexplainably. My father actually came and checked on me, that's how bad it was. I didn't get why I was so mad, and sad. "Chip Chip"!

So today, I decided to accompany my father to work today, as opposed to stay in the house for the 3rd day straight. I went to campus martius, got my breakfast, after an extensive conversation about white people to my father's secritary. (I <3 that woman) after sitting in campus martius for a min, my head began to swim. I thought deep, and realized: "This b*tch wasn't anything to me" (not that she is a b*tch, but those were my exact thoughts.) I realized, I hurt myself thinking about someone who didn't think nearly about me. I realized that this chick who is showing my affection really must be someone who is there for me, even if my trusted friend says she might be with someone, and everyone sees her as kind of a bimbo. I don't, and that's what matters.

Then it happened.
*guitar chords play*
"I'm Not gonna say, did you ever stop to think along the way".....a song on my phone that got me singing.
"To Be Surprised" by Sondre Lerche
"The Weight of the world and the hurt and the dirt, can make you disturbed, but I heard, but I heard" then the chorus starts, and I just start singing
"when I wrap my arms around you, every mistake crumbles, when I wrap my arms around you, everything echos a new song" and I just belt out the rest of the song. In public. Not caring. Just singing, eyes closed. Then I realize. I'm set free. I'm happy. WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I just let go. I'm smiling right now. I bet I looked like a flat idiot. But I didn't care "There's my Chippy!!!!"

Maybe I looked like an Idiot, but I was happy. Really? "AB-So-Lutly"

Hell I just have money to a street man......I never do that.... I'm high, or something, lol.

I love myself. I'm happy.
I just made my own day. :-)

@>-->-->--Dirty Rose, out.